You know what I realized lately? I have never written a blog post where I am just talking to you guys! I have never written a post where I just rambled on letting you know what is going on in my life. I’m not sure why I haven’t. Maybe I thought no one would be interested in hearing any of that, and if that’s the case, that is totally okay! But, I feel like if I want you all to get to know me as a person, just talking is one of the best ways. Anyways. . .
I have found myself in this season lately. . . a season of change. You know that place in your life where you have come to a crossroads and you are about to head down a brand new path. That place of exhilaration, yet complete panic. Excitement, yet hesitation. Happiness, but the bittersweet kind. That kind of change. The change that upsets your “normal” and refocuses your whole life. Change that turns your routine, schedule, plans and comfort zone-upside down.
In the last couple of weeks, Matthew and I have had to start discussing moving. As some of you might know, Matt is in the Coast Guard and 2017 is our year to PCS (permanent change of station). Honestly, not long after we moved here, I began saying “I can’t wait to move!” I struggled with all the change at first. Matt and I were newlyweds, I had never lived away from home (and then I moved 1,000 miles from home), I had never been away from my family, I left friends, I left college, I left everything about my “old life” behind and started a new one with Matt and the military. It was strange and new and I thought I didn’t like it. I eventually got used to life, and moving taught me so much about myself, and it grew Matt and I as a couple. I wouldn’t change anything about moving here and the life we have. And it feels like I have just recently gotten comfortable. Like I just came to terms with the fact that this is my home, and I love it; and now we are coming up on our next move. . .
Doesn’t it seem like just when you get comfortable, when you find your “normal,” when you accept that ‘this is where you’re at,’ things change? Instead of feeling like I can’t wait to move, I have realized that I’m going to miss it here. I’m going to miss this life we built. I’m going to miss this house that was the first place we lived as a married couple. I’m going to miss this place where I brought our baby girl into the world. I’m going to miss these memories we have made. And as I sit here and type (while crying like a baby), I wish I would have held onto more moments. I wish I would have lived more, and loved more. I wish I would have lived in the now and not worried about the future so much.
Change has a way of making you recognize everything you would have done differently. I could look back and wish and wish and wish, but that serves no purpose. Instead, I have found myself stepping out. . . I’m trying to do things I have never done before. I’m trying to soak in every trip to the beach. Every sunrise. Every drive. All the ordinary things, too. Because I know I’m going to miss it. And even though when I think about moving I feel scared and unsure and sometimes terrified, I’m also so excited! It is so cool that we get a fresh start! A do-over. A new beginning. A new path. A new life. We get to write a brand new story!
When I was thinking about this, I thought about some verses that I loved in high school. . .
“This is what God says, the God who builds a road right through the ocean, who carves a path through pounding waves, The God who summons horses and chariots and armies– they lie down and then can’t get up; they’re snuffed out like so many candles: Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is!” Isaiah 43:16-19
My goal is to live in the now, to be present. Even though I am going to be stretched wayyy outside my comfort zone and everything about our future is unclear, I am going to embrace the brand new that God has up ahead for me and my little family. In this season of change, I’m choosing to be content where I am at and where I am headed.
Change. Is anything in your life changing? If so, let me know. I’d love to pray for you. I think we all know how scary change can feel sometimes. Also, is there anything that makes change easier for you to handle? What do you do?
Thanks for listening, friends. I hope you have a beautiful Friday and a wonderful weekend.